Of Spats and Caskets
by Naria Lacour de Fanel
Summary: Undertaker finds himself pulled between William and Grell over a silly argument. How can he fix the situation? Written for Kiss and Make Up Day celebrated by the GrellSutcliff-FC on deviantArt.


Title: Of Spats and Caskets

Author: Naria Lacour de Fanel

Fandom: Kuroshitsuji

Pairing: Undertaker/William/Grell

Word count: 1,003

Warnings: None.

A/N: Written for the GrellSutcliff-FC Bi-Weekly Challenge: Kiss and Make Up

* * *

The mortician gave an indulgent (see _chagrined_) smile as he blinked awake. The two bodies pressed so warmly against either side of him were quite welcome, but the bickering that immediately spewed from their lips and assaulted his ears was a less than ideal wake up call.

"You are being so difficult!"

"Shut up, you!"

Et cetera, et cetera. This was the same banter he'd been hearing for _days_, and frankly, he was tired of it.

"I am not normally one to complain about the excess of attention, especially so early in the day," he interceded. "But seeing as I am situated between the two of you out of spite rather than affection, I can hardly be expected to enjoy your company. Would one of you kindly concede?"

A vehement: "No!" was the immediate twin response from the other occupants of the bed.

"I see," Undertaker hummed.

"Tell him to apologize first! He ruined my favorite outfit!" Grell screeched, glaring daggers at the man resting on the other side of Undertaker.

"You're fortunate I did only that!" William spat in response, equally offended and flustered. "Why would you wear something so scandalous when you knew we were going to meet my mother and father?"

"I'm allowed to wear what I want, William! If you're so keen on formally introducing me to them, then you should let them meet the _real _me!"

"I wasn't trying to hide who you are, otherwise I wouldn't have even bothered! It's a sign of respect when you take the time to look your best! If you had shown up wearing that gaudy monstrosity, looking for all the world like a common street walker, they never would have given you a chance!"

"Street walker? Common?" Grell shrilled, obviously livid.

Charon's Oar, these two were exasperating! It truly was annoying when the argument was over so paltry a matter. Normally, it took quite a bit to agitate him, but he knew this stupid arguing had to be stopped if he were to ever rest peacefully again.

"Sir, Madam, if you'd please follow me," he politely asked, suddenly grabbing each of them by an ear and dragging them through the room.

"H-Hey! Let go!" Grell whined.

"Unhand me!" William blustered.

"No!" the mortician chirped as he kicked open a coffin, tossed the pair inside and slammed the lid back down before they could escape. He happily sat upon said coffin, ensuring they could not get out. He grinned at the yells of protest and the incessant banging that made the wood jump beneath him. He patiently sat and waited until the noise died down a bit.

"Now, here is my take on the situation," he said matter-of-factly, conversing with the room in hopes that they would listen. "William, you are guilty of destroying our Lady's property and insulting her sense of style by categorizing her choice of clothing as that of a common whore, implying that she is of the same stock. That is a grave accusation and is unacceptable."

"See?" came Grell's muffled and haughty voice. "At least he-"

"I would not be so quick to speak, milady," Undertaker interrupted. "You, Grell, are also guilty. You were insensitive to our Gentleman's needs and expectations of you. If one is to give you respect by overcoming personal issues in order to fulfill your desires, in this case introducing you to his parents as his lover, then it is common decency to show the same respect. Your conscious decision to take advantage of the situation and wear something you knew would cause shock rather than acceptance is an insult not only to your lover, but to your own sense of class."

"Listen to the man!" William's voice nearly crowed in agreement. "He understands-"

"I'm not through, yet," Undertaker chided with a none-too-gentle jostle to the coffin. "The two of you have one particular offense in common..."

He paused, relishing the silence of their renewed arguing suddenly dying off as they tried to listen to his words. With a grin, he continued.

"...Rather than hash out this silly little issue and admit your wrong doings on your own, you have dragged me into this squabble, asking me to split my allegiances for the sake of your individual senses of pride. It is quite unbecoming of both of you to underestimate my loyalty like that. But, more disappointing than assuming I would cater to such foolish demands is the fact that you both have decided to place your pride on a higher level than this relationship we have. And really, all of it over some pieces of cloth."

Silence from the coffin.

"Now, I think you understand that until you two apologize to each other, I am not letting you out."

He listened intently to his captives. The silence slowly led to murmured words, tones of regret and shame from both parties obvious to his ears. Grell's softer voice whispered apologies, acknowledging his grave mistake, soft sobs punctuating his words. William's low voice offered his own apologies, acknowledging his poor behavior, and words of comfort warmly rumbling to his lady. Sounds of shuffling, the familiar rustle of clothing soon followed, and the inevitable wet smacking sound of lips meeting.

Undertaker smiled to himself, satisfied that this matter was finally at rest, and stood up take his leave to give the two some much needed privacy to properly make up.

He was quite caught off guard when he heard the creak of the coffin lid and a sudden violent tug on his robes pulled him backwards. He fell into the arms of his lovers and looked up at both of them with honest surprise.

"We have to make up with you, too," Grell cooed, batting his eyelashes.

"My sense of justice demands it," William coldly said (despite the faint blush staining his cheeks) as he pulled the coffin shut on all three of them.

Having had his fill of quarreling over that past few days, Undertaker was quite happy to not argue.

_-*End*-_

It was SOOOOOO hard limiting it to 1,000 words! DX Don't hate me Kate for going over by 3! LOL

Yes. More random ass drabble. Sorry.

Does William have parents? I don't know and I don't care. He does for this. He got really offended with Grell's choice of clothing because it was a major step for him to even consider introducing Grell to the parents. Seeing how uptight he is, he's gotta have straight laced parents. Introducing a lover is hard enough, but introducing your transsexual same sex lover has gotta be super tough. But Will's sense of propriety could honor Grell no less.

I got character inspiration and plot points from Kunieda-sensei's manga "Mirai no Kioku" or Future Lovers. Buy it! It's awesome! I associate Grell with Akira all the time...and I associate Kento's devotion and honesty with William, though Will is far more reluctant than Kento.


End file.
